History

It's official guys. My whole life before I saw Kris was history. Ancient fucking history.
My life now revolves only around him. Where did my normal life go? Sobs.
Aish, he really robs the life away from all his fan girls. The day he finally decides to come out shirtless will be the day I have finally lived with no regrets.
Why? Why must he do this to me?
I'm just trying to be loyal to my bias but then I see him. He practically tortures me with his perfection and now, there is no day when I'm not in front of my computer searching for new pictures of perfection.
Aigoo. What have I become?

Anyway, enough ranting about that male god.
I think I'm really not a fan of Exo-K now. It's always all about Kai, there not that I'm complaining because Kai is pretty hot too but let others a chance to shine as well. Exo-M is seriously not getting enough love, everyone is always all about Exo-K. Don't worry though, I'll give them love. Wink wink
By the way, Baekhyun from Exo-K is also quite the hotness.

I'm currently not really wanting to deal with reality, that's why I'm mostly daydreaming. Sometimes it's so vivid, I almost believe it myself. How stupid is that?
Reality sucks. I've told you before about me making a choice to go to Bandung and how my mother supported me to go.
But my mother has always been easily swayed by people. I don't know who told her but now she is against me going. And so is my father.
The reasons are very reasonable, I guess. My father just doesn't want his only daughter to be far away from him, he wants to be able to see me everyday and frankly, so do I but I want to take risks.
I never did, I always play safe. I play in the lines where I knew I'll win or at least, safe. I don't like changes, I hate risks. I want to know everything and be assured that what I'm doing will result in good or advantageous to myself.
But what is life without taking chances? Braving the risks? Weathering the storms?
I feel like if I stay here, I'm wasting myself. Well, I'm wasting myself no matter where I go in Indonesia anyway but what can I do? Not like my parents will ever agree to send me somewhere without anyone they know there.
Sometimes, I'm just so angry at everything you know. I feel like shouting out loud and destroy everything in range.
I want to know what's good for me, what I wanted. Actually, I know what I want but my father just won't let me. I want to study Psychology, he doesn't want me to, he says it's useless. He just won't listen to my explanation, he is so much like me, it's sickening. Our tempers, our behaviors, how we react to certain things, it's just so similar.
Why I listen to him, I hear you ask? He's my father. I want him to be happy, to be proud of what I do.
But sometimes I wish he would just listen to me, listen to what I want. My life is always abut satisfying him, making him happy. I want to live more like me.
I don't think it's wrong. It's not selfish. It's natural.
I wish he would listen though. Because it's my life.
I'm the one living it, not him or anyone else. I know me the most, I know what I want but I can't get it.
It's the feeling of helplessness and frustration that's driving me insane.
Aish, what to do?










YOLO ♥