Wednesday, July 4, 2012


Maybe I'm suffering insomnia. Maybe just maybe.
I have never before in my whole seventeen years of life been in so much difficulty just to fall asleep. I'm having troubles sleeping lately and it's fucking annoying.
Missed out so much because I wake up so late. Can't hang out with friends, can't do so many things.
It's driving me nuts.
Today is one of those days where I can at least sleep a bit longer. I woke up around 12 this afternoon and slept again until my friend called. Aish, I feel really really bad you know.
It'll probably be the last time I saw him for this year but I can't go hang out today because I'm still half-asleep.
Oh yeah, I'll probably start working shortly though I still can't be sure. I'll have to ask my daddy first.
No more sleeping so late. No more damaging my eyes all day.
Short post this is, I'm going back to sleep.


Saturday, June 30, 2012


Hi. Today it's been officially decided that I'll be staying here in this boring city.
Yeah, not going anywhere. Sucks? Yeah, but you aren't me, so you don't know how I feel.
The only silver lining in this dark storm cloud is that I will be getting a Samsung Galaxy SIII as consolation for my dear departed hope in going somewhere. Or anything I wanted really, but my father insists on SIII.
Now, I'm going to go ask my dear friends on which good gadgets, preferably not so expensive ones.

Anyway, I've been meaning to chance my blog's layout for like forever! But I'm either way too lazy or I forgot. Aish.

Oh by the way, I've arranged a dialogue in my mind of what I'm going to say if I ever met Kris, and here goes :
Kris : Annyeonghaseo (raises eyebrows and smile)
Me : ...
Kris :
Me :

Police : So she just died?
Kris : Basically ...

Yeah, that's definitely how it'll be. I don't think I'll be able to speak at all, or think when I see him and when he smiles, oh that smile, I'll probably die.

Oh, I found a picture of Kris and Kris in the airport.

Because only a real man can look sexy while holding a fluffy stuffed animal.

Holding a broom, sweeping away my bias list.

I like Kris a lot less than I expected to.
- No one EVER

You all must be fucking sick of me and my Kris fever already.
Wait until you see my laptop. Or phone.


Thursday, June 28, 2012

Black Balloons

Hey guys!
Today is great, we went out together to eat sushi! Aish, how I miss Sushi Tei, haven't eaten it in the longest time ever. Tastes just as good as I remember it. Ehe~
I just remembered that today is also Kang Minhyuk's birthday! Happy birthday CN Blue's cutest drummer!

My posts recently may be random because that is just how I feel. Random.
I don't know what I want, I don't know. I just ... don't know.
What's wrong? Everything. I feel like running away. Like going to sleep and perhaps never wake up. It's dark, I know. And I really don't deserve to add another drama to your life as if you don't have enough on your hands already.
I listened to Roots Before Branches these days. It says there that I need to know who I am before I know who I wanna be.
That's the thing. I don't know. These three words seem to be my most favorite words these days, that's all I seem to say.
I ask myself this before I went to sleep everyday, "Who am I?"
Every time I look at the mirror, "Who am I?"
My reflection stares back blankly at me and those three words was whispered back in a meek, broken voice on my mind.
If I don't have any roots how can I have a branch? How can I be anything if I don't know who or what am I?
The song just strikes straight to my core.
So many things to do and say but I can't seem to find my way, I know I gotta find myself first but I don't know how.
Sometimes, I just don't want to feel and forget the pain is real, forget everything, the frustration, the pressure, constant questioning, just everything. Reality always hurts.

What can I do? What should I do? How?
All these should have been answered easily if only I can answer the who question.
I just don't want to think.
Frustration is getting the best of me right now. I'm depressed.

Anyway, after reading that, I'm gonna nag a bit again about this Pemuda Pancasila thingy.
Those fucking bastards, come to my place then ask around for money supposedly or security, they said. Oh my, what loads of bullshit you got there sweetheart.
We already paid the security money to the person who manages the place around here.
My mom paid them anyway, but my neighbor won't. The next day, he got shit splattered all over his gate.
And it's real, real shit.
Pancasila? Is this how it's supposed to be?
I mean, for real. What use do we have for all those big fancy words when your actions are like that? Huh?
Fucking disgrace.
At least don't use the Pancasila name if you're just gonna behave like mindless, uneducated rascals who practically demand money from people. Useless people.
And you know how deep my hatred runs for those kinds of natives. For me, frankly, they are no good rubbish whose only use is to be gathered inside a huge tall building and burnt, so they can all die. Period.
Yeah, that should speak for how much I hate them.
Seriously, they should all just die, every single one of them.

Anyway, I'll conclude today's post with that. See you!


Wednesday, June 27, 2012


Happy birthday Kekemato BAP Daehyunnie oppa
I know it's in the 28th but I just can't wait anymore. Keke~
Keep on rocking Busan Wonbin! I hope you guys come out with a new single or preferably new album real soon, okay oppa?
Enjoy your birthday oppa! Saranghaeyo
Here's picspam of him and his awesome self.


Titles Strike Again!

Anyway, again, I changed the title and url because I'm not satisfied. Haha.
Short post this is, whatever. I'm drowning in the hot lava of the perfection of Kris.


It's official guys. My whole life before I saw Kris was history. Ancient fucking history.
My life now revolves only around him. Where did my normal life go? Sobs.
Aish, he really robs the life away from all his fan girls. The day he finally decides to come out shirtless will be the day I have finally lived with no regrets.
Why? Why must he do this to me?
I'm just trying to be loyal to my bias but then I see him. He practically tortures me with his perfection and now, there is no day when I'm not in front of my computer searching for new pictures of perfection.
Aigoo. What have I become?

Anyway, enough ranting about that male god.
I think I'm really not a fan of Exo-K now. It's always all about Kai, there not that I'm complaining because Kai is pretty hot too but let others a chance to shine as well. Exo-M is seriously not getting enough love, everyone is always all about Exo-K. Don't worry though, I'll give them love. Wink wink
By the way, Baekhyun from Exo-K is also quite the hotness.

I'm currently not really wanting to deal with reality, that's why I'm mostly daydreaming. Sometimes it's so vivid, I almost believe it myself. How stupid is that?
Reality sucks. I've told you before about me making a choice to go to Bandung and how my mother supported me to go.
But my mother has always been easily swayed by people. I don't know who told her but now she is against me going. And so is my father.
The reasons are very reasonable, I guess. My father just doesn't want his only daughter to be far away from him, he wants to be able to see me everyday and frankly, so do I but I want to take risks.
I never did, I always play safe. I play in the lines where I knew I'll win or at least, safe. I don't like changes, I hate risks. I want to know everything and be assured that what I'm doing will result in good or advantageous to myself.
But what is life without taking chances? Braving the risks? Weathering the storms?
I feel like if I stay here, I'm wasting myself. Well, I'm wasting myself no matter where I go in Indonesia anyway but what can I do? Not like my parents will ever agree to send me somewhere without anyone they know there.
Sometimes, I'm just so angry at everything you know. I feel like shouting out loud and destroy everything in range.
I want to know what's good for me, what I wanted. Actually, I know what I want but my father just won't let me. I want to study Psychology, he doesn't want me to, he says it's useless. He just won't listen to my explanation, he is so much like me, it's sickening. Our tempers, our behaviors, how we react to certain things, it's just so similar.
Why I listen to him, I hear you ask? He's my father. I want him to be happy, to be proud of what I do.
But sometimes I wish he would just listen to me, listen to what I want. My life is always abut satisfying him, making him happy. I want to live more like me.
I don't think it's wrong. It's not selfish. It's natural.
I wish he would listen though. Because it's my life.
I'm the one living it, not him or anyone else. I know me the most, I know what I want but I can't get it.
It's the feeling of helplessness and frustration that's driving me insane.
Aish, what to do?


Sunday, June 24, 2012


Backk! I know it's old but I have only recently listened to JJ Project's Bounce, quite good I have to admit. But I have developed a strong, very deep-rooted hatred to JR from that group.
He did not do me any wrong but it's just his actions is too much for me, too exaggerated. ALAY if one might say.
He is almost the same with 2pm's Taecyeon. Hate me as you may, I am a Hottest myself but that Taecyeon is just annoying. People say he's the most handsome of all, but to me, his face is just ... wrong.
And his actions is just BLEH! I know and everybody knows that he has great body but that did not mean that you have to be topless or rip your shirts off every single fucking time. Your fans might love it and I actually won't mind it that much if his expressions weren't like that.
Urgh and that JR, his expressions really reminded me of Taecyeon. Sigh.
And I love JB too from the same group. He is really good looking, hot if one might say it that way. Perhaps I just need to delete that JR from the music videos, pretend he doesn't exist. Oh and by the way, his rapping sucks. He has to be grateful that he is in the same group with JB, JB definitely saved the song. If he is alone, I personally think he'll be buried.
Anyway, enough of that annoying boy. Have you guys heard f(x)'s Electric Shock? Cool song and MV.
Amber looks good there, I seriously think SM should let her shine more. She might be quite the tomboy but her face is really beautiful. And her legs, that long slender legs. Let her wear hotpants!
SM is always about looks. Sigh.
By the way, I think I might be converting to the Krisus religion (no offense to all Christians out there, I swear!), the fans nicknamed Kris from Exo-M as the male god, Krisus Christ they say. I might be converting because he seriously is driving me crazy.
I used him as my phone wallpaper and I swear every time I look at my phone, I melt. Ahhh, I'm seriously crazy right now.
Every night, I'm Krising and Krising. Aigooo.
I'm nuts already.
I swear the whole freaking world is like a photoshoot studio to him, even when he's just closing a goddamn car door he looks way too good. Way too godly.
Ah than Canadian-Chinese god.

And this is what happens to mine.