Black Balloons

Hey guys!
Today is great, we went out together to eat sushi! Aish, how I miss Sushi Tei, haven't eaten it in the longest time ever. Tastes just as good as I remember it. Ehe~
I just remembered that today is also Kang Minhyuk's birthday! Happy birthday CN Blue's cutest drummer!

My posts recently may be random because that is just how I feel. Random.
I don't know what I want, I don't know. I just ... don't know.
What's wrong? Everything. I feel like running away. Like going to sleep and perhaps never wake up. It's dark, I know. And I really don't deserve to add another drama to your life as if you don't have enough on your hands already.
I listened to Roots Before Branches these days. It says there that I need to know who I am before I know who I wanna be.
That's the thing. I don't know. These three words seem to be my most favorite words these days, that's all I seem to say.
I ask myself this before I went to sleep everyday, "Who am I?"
Every time I look at the mirror, "Who am I?"
My reflection stares back blankly at me and those three words was whispered back in a meek, broken voice on my mind.
If I don't have any roots how can I have a branch? How can I be anything if I don't know who or what am I?
The song just strikes straight to my core.
So many things to do and say but I can't seem to find my way, I know I gotta find myself first but I don't know how.
Sometimes, I just don't want to feel and forget the pain is real, forget everything, the frustration, the pressure, constant questioning, just everything. Reality always hurts.

What can I do? What should I do? How?
All these should have been answered easily if only I can answer the who question.
I just don't want to think.
Frustration is getting the best of me right now. I'm depressed.


Anyway, after reading that, I'm gonna nag a bit again about this Pemuda Pancasila thingy.
Those fucking bastards, come to my place then ask around for money supposedly or security, they said. Oh my, what loads of bullshit you got there sweetheart.
We already paid the security money to the person who manages the place around here.
My mom paid them anyway, but my neighbor won't. The next day, he got shit splattered all over his gate.
And it's real, real shit.
Pancasila? Is this how it's supposed to be?
I mean, for real. What use do we have for all those big fancy words when your actions are like that? Huh?
Fucking disgrace.
At least don't use the Pancasila name if you're just gonna behave like mindless, uneducated rascals who practically demand money from people. Useless people.
And you know how deep my hatred runs for those kinds of natives. For me, frankly, they are no good rubbish whose only use is to be gathered inside a huge tall building and burnt, so they can all die. Period.
Yeah, that should speak for how much I hate them.
Seriously, they should all just die, every single one of them.
Trashes.

Anyway, I'll conclude today's post with that. See you!








Love ♥