I know I know, he's my brother how can I hate him? I usually love him, but in this moment, right now, I hate him more than anything. I loathe him, despise his every being.
I just want to rip that face out of his head. That's how much I hate him right now.
You see, there's time when I hope that he won't be able to pass this tenth grade. That'll he stay. It's not like I'm cruel or crazy or whatever but I really think that this is the last resort for him to finally reconsider his choices and start behaving. He's addicted. He's sick. I think he's like addicted to online games a wee bit too much. Sometimes I just wanna slap him straight, to let him regain consciousness over the reality. He need to get a hold of himself.
He's lied, he's manipulated just so that he can play that fucking game of his. I tried deleting the game, didn't work. He installed another one, which earned an earful of me. My father has always loved him more than me, you know the usual son get more love than daughter thingy. I don't mind. As long as it's not being unfair to me, I don't protest.
Which is what drives my brother to this state of craziness. My father wasn't hard enough on him ever since he's a kid like how my father has been to me. He was used to be spoiled and I'll admit, I was jealous and angry. Then one time, I lashed out on my parents for that and they somehow ceased the unfairness. I guess, honesty worked. Lol.
Anyway, any suggestion on how to manage my mad brother? Cause I'm surely out of ideas.
AAARGGHH!
Just got the news that Craig Colton was sent home in the newest X Factor's result show!
Are you crazy, Britain? This is Craig FREAKING Colton we're talking about! Geez. I had nothing against Amelia Lily, but I certainly have now. I hope you and Little Mix go home ASAP. You guys don't belong in this competition, baby dolls. I hate Tulisa Contostavlos so much, she's a bitch.
So disappointed and angry! Him, Misha B and Gary Barlow (budum budum) are the only reasons I watched The X Factor in the first place. Now with him home, I don't think I'll watch it anymore. So damn sad :'(
If Misha went home in the next result show, Britain and the judges better get their ears and eyes checked. GRR!
I can't even believe he's in the bottom two, I mean he's so fucking talented! *sigh* *sniff*
Don't be sad, Craig. You have great voice, you're funny too, you'll go far in this industry, lad :)
By the way, I have just watched a show almost similar to The X Factor. It's called The Voice. Go watch it, it's great!
At first, I only watched it because one of the mentors is Adam Levine *wink wink* (What? He's hot!)
He really is. And he sings, play guitar, play drum, oohhhh his tattoos *melting*
For season 1, the show has already ended, but don't worry! There's still season 2 (More Adams coming)
It's really all great singer. There's this woman Beverly, oh my god! She's so awesome! She's got that really rocky voice, she's just ... great!
Anyway, more on friendships.
As I mentioned on my previous post, my bestfriends are back together. I honestly don't think they'll be able to keep away from each other for a long time since they're crazy and insensitive people. And it's really good to see them back together again, sharing internal jokes, all those fun things.
A week ago, I had this one friend that I felt was pushed away from her group. I felt somehow guilty since I had a feeling that it has something to do with the blog problems. But I'm not sure.
So when Acek moved me to seat beside her, I asked and she told me. Well, now I feel really guilty. So it is about us. She didn't want to take a side, she just want to befriend everyone else. She wanted to be able to sit in the back of the class and laugh with us, sit in front and laugh with the others not just stuck in the little cycle of friends. But apparently, her goodwill wasn't accepted nicely by some people and it's just sad you know. You two are friends! I hope they'll be able to be good again. Frankly, I had no problem with the two of them, so if they wanna be friends with me, I'm fine, if they don't then it's not my problem.
I only dislike the one I had problems with, not their friends. It's none of my business and never will be.
Ah well, I hope they'll be fine.
But from what I see, this girl looks fine without them, so it's all good. Losing a friend isn't awesome you know.
Lol.
There's always misunderstanding and little quarrels between friends and it's normal! But don't be unsupportive of each other's opinions and actions. It's their own life and their own decisions.
Respect others so that others can respect you.
Hi! Well, first off, my bestfriends are back together again! Yay!
It feels good to finally be together, you know just have fun, loved it very very much. You know, remembering that we only had such short amount of time left to enjoy the very last minute of our high school days is frustrating. I hope to be able to rewind it all, back to the time when I first stepped in Senior High School. Been going to Sutomo all my life, and now leaving it just doesn't feel right. It's just something that's been bugging me everyday.
I know that when I grew up, I'll really miss high school. The drama, the love, the hatred, the friendships. Ah.
By the way, I cried listening to this song : Graduation - Vitamin C
It was so right! Spot on! So touching and real. It is exactly what we'll be thinking about when we were adult.
We'll be missing high school and the friends. Ah, it's so hard to leave all of these behind you know :(
I really love these moments.
Anyone familiar with the term bestfriends? Everyone had that one friend who understands them, supports them. I have a few too and I feel totally blessed.
The thing is, it's hard to differentiate bestfriends and fake friends. Those fake friends act like they were your bestest friends ever then they stab you in the back. I've seen lots of them, even experienced a few. I know how they're like.
For me, having a bestfriend is like having someone you can talk to about anything, the one you knew would never judge you, would never let you fall on your own, someone you can go insane with. But some people misunderstood the concept of supporting your bestfriend. Sure, as a friend, you can never let your friends fall on their own. You help them back up and move along. But what if they're the one at fault? What if they're the guilty ones? Should you just forget about who's right or wrong and just blindly support your bestfriends?
NO. Being bestfriends doesn't mean that you have to forget about your self-righteousness, your needs and your feelings. You don't need to follow your friends everywhere like a loyal puppy just because you guys are bestfriends. You don't need to put your feelings aside just because your bestfriends don't think the same way. You don't need to be hostile to everyone who isn't in your little cycle of friends. And more importantly you don't have to support and make decisions for your bestfriends all the time!
But I didn't mean to make it seem like when your bestfriend is guilty and she's down because of it, you just leave her. No. You stay by her side, lift her up and lead her to do the right thing. Apologize. Sincerely, from the heart.You don't make her do something that will worsen the situation! Honey, that's just mean.
As a person, you have the right to be neutral in every situation. You don't have to always join in the fray and take a side, especially if it's not your problem. And if your other friends hate you for being neutral, then leave them. They're not friends, they're fakers. A good friend will accept your decision good-heartedly not judge you as untrue and unloyal.
There's still many fish in the sea, you can still find another bestfriend, someone who will accept you for who you are, your decisions and actions.
Also, if you started feeling uncomfortable of your friends' actions or behavior, talk to them right away. Don't procrastinate or worse, you tell your other bestfriends about it and you lot gossip behind their backs. You can tell your other friends but tell them not to judge. Just ask for the opinion and decide on the right time to talk.
Today I felt like shit. I woke up with a pounding head and later on stomachache, been feeling low all day. But I'm better now after taking a long nap which is a shame because I actually expected to be sick so that I don't need to go to school. Lol.
We played a game (again) in Miss Yeni's lesson where we have to throw a paper ball into the dustbin successfully. If we did then one ball scored 100, I tried and failed. I had no control whatsoever -.-
Oh whatever.
By the way, have any of you seen TOP's pictures for Bazaar? Sizzling hot!
I hated people who smoke but for him I'll definitely make an exception ♥
Tabi's too perfect! He's tall, nice body, sexy voice and smoking hot. Aww, I can feel myself literally melting already.
I am too loud. Too harsh. Too ungirly.
I'm disappointed that I, up until now still failed to change. Oh well *sigh*
My besties are having a fallout and it seems like there's nothing I can do to avoid it. I think it's just because they go to different classes. It sets a distance between them.
For me, I actually have no problems with any of them maybe because we're used to not being in the same class so petty arguments are rare. I figured it's just a common misunderstanding and miscommunication but for them it's a whole another problem -__-
I hope they'll be good again soon, honestly, we haven't spent much time together again nowadays. I've been busy and they have too.
I'll try talking to them again tomorrow :)
I'm a firm believer of what you see is what you get. But I think I need to get the facts straight because really, you can't rely on appearances alone, even if it really does matters.
That's why I'm somehow shocked that someone who looked like that can really do those kinds of things. The lesson I get is that friends really do matter. They define you, aside from your appearances. Who you are friends with determine how people see your personalities, even if you are not really like that.
There are many people who mastered two faces at once here, and it's really cruel, those faces. They look like one at a time and just as quick as blinking they turn faces. Masks are also quite common around here. Get used to it, they'll be many more to come as you move forward in this life.
And honey, no matter how pretty the mask is, it can't hide the ugliness you have. People can still smell your stink :)
By the way, I have encountered many people like that and honey, they don't last long. There is one an ex-friend, people say there is no ex-friend but I got one. She's been destroying friendships all over and now no more friendship for her, lol. Seriously, people hate her and the only ones who don't are her so-called friends. They even hate each other inside their little circle of friendship. I can't say I'm happy but frankly she deserves it, yeah that's how much I hate her.
So yeah, that's all :)
Watched Real Steel today with the peers, it was so cool! Definitely a must watch, guys!
The storyline is somehow predictable but still, awesome actions and Hugh Jackman is definitely a total hottie. And the kid is also so cute! Great movie, really good :)
For me, the most memorable scenes of the movie are when Charlie (Hugh Jackman) took over the fifth round of Atom vs Zeus and when he took off his shirt *countingabs* *drool*
And also today I kinda realized how very ungirl like I am -.- I laugh and talk way too loud and it's embarassing. And the way I talk is so harsh and unfeminine D:
I am seriously thinking of changing, but I don't know how. I am very incapable of changing and frankly, I hate changes But changes are essential in life, and I'm gonna treat this as a challenge to myself.
Wish me luck!
Why hello!
I went to a presentation about NUS earlier today. So many Science students, and all from plus class too =.=
The representative they chose to talk kept on saying "The thing is ..." over and over again. I think that's the only thing I remembered of his whole speech is "The thing is ...". 'Cause the thing is (LOL), I do plan on applying there but my parents won't allow me too. And also the female one of the group, I think her view of students consisted of only Science students and common students.
Social students is so discriminated from Science ones, it's starting to piss me off!
Oh and anyway, I think my blog has become quite popular these days. People stalking my blog to see what I wrote \m/
And they feel disturbed by my posts, so they asked me to remove my posts.
No way! This is my blog and the point of making a blog is freedom to write about your thoughts, opinions and whatever you wanna write about.
I'm gonna make this perfectly clear : I am not deleting any post of this blog and I am going to write about whoever, whatever, and whenever I desire.
If you feel disturbed, then don't read it. If you feel that my post is talking about you, then please highlight a post where I said your name. Because I do not write names on my blog, so it may be you or you or you or her or him or they, and frankly, you have no rights at all to ask me to remove these posts as it is my blog. So, you can either suck it up or just don't read at all.
I am not gonna lock my blog just because of this because everyone has internet connection and you can chose whether you want or not to read something, it's just a matter of your choice.
That's all! I hope I made it crystal clear enough :)
Hello. It's a good day except for the raining -_- Don't get me wrong, I love rains but not on day time. It makes me even lazier than before.
Okay, so have you ever felt like wanting to be another person? A completely different person than who you are right now? I have.
There's that time with my ex, even if he did love me, but just being with him makes me feel so insecure. Maybe it's because I loved him so much that I wanted to be better to keep him around. Maybe I'm afraid that he'd left me when he found someone better. Oh, those detestable times.
Did you realize that when you fell in love, and every girl around that boy seems a lot prettier than reality? But when it all ends, you realize how stupid you've been. That's when you needed someone to wake you up and show you that you stand a chance against those girls :)
Oh well, back to topic. I often wish to be prettier, slimmer, smarter, nicer, and all that stuff. But then I kinda figured that I feel content as to how I am now, there's a lot of girls out there with similar problems and with worse situations, so I should be grateful.
I am now. My only wish is for my hair. Sometimes I'm so frustrated with my hair, it never goes the way I wanted it too!
I envied people with those thick long hair, cause my hair used to be that way when I was a child but after I cut it short, it became this way, thin and hard to grow :(
I wanted to be braver, I don't know why but ever since I'm a kid, I don't react well with challenges or something that breaks me out of my normal habit. So I wanna be braver and challenge new things in life. Wish me luck :D
Speaking of bravery, that girl apologized to my friend earlier today. I praised her for her bravery to actually come forward and apologize even if it's a forced one. We kinda know that she only apologized because she wanted to stop the teasing and mockery, oh well, whatever.
I was sitting beside her at that time and when my friend didn't accept the apology, I heard this girl mutter, "Even after I told her sorry ..."
I don't really understand the meaning of those words but her tone seemed like she was annoyed because my friend didn't accept the apology. I'm not telling my friend, she'll get angrier. Besides, perhaps it's not what I thought she meant. I hope so :)
My wish for her is that she breaks out of her bad habit to write people that did wrong to her in her blog or facebook, learn something from the experience. But I heard that she's a stubborn one so maybe she won't since she locked her blog already.
But remember as you wrote in your own post, Karma is a bitch. What comes around goes around, that's just it. Even if people doesn't know about it now, they'll do eventually.
"The past is always with us, just waiting to mess with the present and when it does, it usually bites you in the ass."Gossip Girl
It's a lovely quote from Gossip Girl, my favorite show ever. It has great quotes, hot guys, very nice plot twists, fantastic high-end fashion, beautiful women, and so on and so on.
And it applied to real life too. You see that the posts you wrote a couple months back can really come forward and lead you to destruction. It's like a ticking time bomb, isn't it?
With this post, I'd like to apologize to my friend Hardiansyah aka Achen. Well, he's kinda close to me and we talked about a lot of things. I'm pleasantly surprised that he was able to handle my constant rambling and talkativeness.
And I am truly sorry for whatever trouble and guilt my sometimes way too harsh nature has caused him. I know he's guilty because of what happened and I think he regretted ever showing that post to me cause he's a peaceful person by heart and now he's hated by them. Me, personally I don't mind if they hate me cause honey, I hate them too. But Achen is somehow innocent, so yeah, I've been feeling guilty.
And when me and my friend got into cold war, I kinda dragged him in. I'm sorry Achen. I'm really happy and relieved that he acted normally to you now :)
So, thanks for being my friend and putting up with my shit.
Hiya! Me and Achen went to see Johnny English Reborn today, totally loved it!
Rowan Atkinson is so talented, absolutely RECOMMENDED!
And also, today was a constant teasing day. The girl I have been mentioning in my earlier posts was practically teased and mocked throughout the day by the peers.
Well, I did join in a couple, but my friends got it all on their hands. Lol. When we were mocking her about Karma in Sir Sundram's lesson, her desk mate kept on glaring our way. See something you like darling? Take a picture, it'll last longer :)
Well, I heard that she cried on Acek's period so I took a quick glance to check, and it's true, she was. But I saw her holding a novel so she might be crying because of the book. Eh, who cares?
And I have a feeling that something either terrible or horrible will be happening tomorrow. And yes, I know both of them have the same meaning.
Put on your seatbelt guys! We're approaching the rollercoaster ride of your life now. Lmao =D
I heard people saying that she cried because of the constant teasing and mocking, so me and Achen feel a little guilty. But for me, fortunately the feeling kinda vanished when I saw her walking into the class after a bathroom break with such arrogant look on her face -.-
Well, if I were you honey, I'd only had that second post posted after I'm a hundred percent sure I'll be able to handle whatever they throw at me and fight back. If I don't, I won't.
Seriously I was thinking about telling my friend to just let it go after I saw her deleting her condescending post. But then she posted another degrading post about my friend. When I saw it, I was like "Oh, no you didn't!"
So stupid and naive. Really shouldn't have done that.
Oh well, you did what you think was right and enjoy :D
Aw, honey. What you said effectively worked on yourself too. If you said that my friend deserved what you wrote about her then don't you think you do too?
I won't talk about Karma if I were you, darling. You wrote the post, you got what you deserve. Seriously, did you really think that no one will be furious if you wrote about her in a blog?
It's funny how you talk like a saint but act like a sinner. Trying to look innocent? We all know how you really is.
Anyway, if you really think you did no wrong then why did you delete your blog post and didn't retaliate?
Don't answer me with noble answers like because she isn't worthy or blablabla, we all know you are far from that. Cause the truth is you're scared, baby.
And did you know? Revenge is best served cold, sweetheart.
You may act like nothing happened, but everyone knew what had happened and why. Your reputation is forever severed because of your rash attitude. And just so you know, not only people in our class know, but outside too since there were some people coming to our class when the incident happened.
Don't blame people for what you get, you should've seen it coming when you wrote the post. It's not like people disliked you before, but they do now.
And did you know? Half of the class know what happened and they blamed you for it. Even the person whom you thought was your friend. Notice that I used past tense? :)
We get that you might be angry because of what she said and it's her fault, but you should've tell her in person. She'll even apologize. But your fatal faults are that you take it up on a blog post and that you didn't take a glance at a mirror before you wrote it.
Maybe you're too sensitive, maybe she's too insensitive. But that doesn't change the fact that you've made a huge mistake by posting that blog post.
So honey, if I were you, I'd mule it in my head again before I decided to act like nothing happened. No one is gonna look at you with the same eyes anymore. Believe in me, you'll spent times crying in your shoes after this.
Hola! It's a good day, not too hot and not raining. Love the weather!
I started playing God Eater : Burst not long ago and already addicted to it. It's really awesome, recommended!
Also, remember the girl I talked about in my earlier post?
Her post angered me, I can't believe that someone who looked so nice, so kind is able to write a post like that. I mean if you don't like the way she insulted the names you made, then just take it up to her face. Geez.
I have been weighing all day whether to tell my friend or not, there's pros and cons really. I can't not tell her, she's my friend, when someone says bad things about her, I can't just shut up, keep it in my heart and pretend I know nothing! But if I tell her, then she's gonna blow up, literally. And our class will be a lot less friendlier.
In the end, I made a decision. If she asks me about what I meant by my tweet yesterday, I'll tell her. If she doesn't, I'll keep it.
When I sat beside her, she asked. So I told her.
And true, she was so angry, she yelled to that girl in class. And when showed to Ferdy, he got mad as well.
A deadly combination, those two.
A friend of mine who told me about the post was so guilty. I think he regretted ever showing to me that post.
Well, sorry. I tend to blow over when shown those kind of things.
Truthfully, I'm not guilty, although it is a pitiful sight. But you reap what you sow.
You said that she got into trouble because of her uncontrollable words in social network, well, look at what you've done. You said she needed to watch her mouth, now you have to watch your mouth and your back.
Be responsible. If you don't want to be publicly humiliated, then don't post those words to the internet.
Or maybe, you should find an imaginary enemy that doesn't have a friend with connection to the internet.
If you have something to say to me, honey, take it up to my face, if you dare. I'll practically destroy you :D
I don't mind being hated. Hate me or love me, it's still an obsession. I understood you hate me because you want to be like me, I’m used to being envied, love.
Hello!
Yesterday we finally decided our class name, yay! It's STFU, Social Two, The Formidable Unity. I liked it!
We used voting to determine the result because it's fairer that way. And today we chose our class shirt color. It's black. I don't mind black, but it seems like other people in my class didn't like it. My devil side was saying, who the hell cares? It's a vote and they really have to accept the majority that won. But I think that we should reach an agreement, that way the other side of the class won't feel like they never got what they want.
I'm thinking about suggesting black-blue as the color tomorrow. We'll see :)
Yeah, our class is literally split into groups. The left side is our group, the craziest one, I dare say. Then there's the middle people, the smart diligent ones who always read comics or novels. There's also some other groups in our class, some was hated more than the others.
STFU was suggested by Ferdy the badak, a friend of ours. I have to admit, he's really good with names. And black was the majority of what our group said. So you see what I mean with the other side.
There's one particular all-girl group in our class that people hated because of their antics. Well, not all of them, some is actually nice, but some ... blah!
There's this girl, she's particularly concerned about her looks (well, aren't we all?)
One day, she wore lipstick to school. It's red or mirabella with glitters, I think, I'm not so sure. I know a whole lot better about the varieties of rock music than make-ups. She used eyeliner and mascara too from what I heard.
But that's not the funny part! The way she acted when she used those make-ups is totally HILARIOUS.
Chins up, pouty lips and duck-like walk, she elicited the laugh of the class. Well, the others are remarkably good in not laughing on her face, but I really can’t hold it in. The way she walked really looked like she owned the world and the thing is, darling, you’re not even decent! Talk about epic fail.
Then at the last period, she and her friends all put on lipstick and then they took picture together. This girl’s poses are horrible, they’re so alay and she always wants to highlight the fact that she’s wearing lipstick. Ugh. So I laughed and told my friend who sat next to me. He’s a very loud and crazy person so he laughed too, hard and loud. I think the duck girl heard it, and after a few friendly banter with her friend, the bell rung.
I never realized that so many people hate her up until that day. When I started telling the story to my friend, my other classmates came together and started telling stories of their own. It was super funny!
Turns out, she’s never well-liked in class because of the way she talked, acted and the way she looked at people. She always has her chin up and looked down in a glare like way to people. And after the incident, she always glared at me every time I walked past her, and I just glared right back. And when our eyes met, she always looked down and avoided my eyes. You think you’re so cool honey? Think again.
And one more, I never really think she could be this kind of person since she looked like the quiet type. Turns out, she’s a lot weirder than I thought.
Today, I had just found out that among the name we’re voting on yesterday, she actually proposed some names. I myself feel that the name isn’t universal enough, it didn’t represent us all and it wasn’t chosen.
I was actually reading a novel that time and didn’t notice what’s going on but apparently one of my friend said that the name she made isn’t good. And this girl was infuriated by that, so she wrote in her blog a post about my friend.
Of course as a friend I can’t accept the things she wrote in her post about my friend, so honey, this is a little something for you.
1)Darling, if she didn’t know how to interact in social environment as you mentioned in your blog, then how come she has a lot more friends than you could ever made in your entire life?
2)You said that her uncontrollable words in social network lead to a problem, then what are you doing writing about her in social network too? Don’t you think that this is gonna lead to a war as well? Seriously, how more stupid can a human being be?
3)She said those words in the intention of making a joke, you should learn to recognize one when thrown at you.
4)She’s a very outspoken and extrovert person, she expresses her thoughts right away. So I don’t think she meant to hurt anyone’s feelings.
5)You should learn on how to take a criticism. From what I read on your post, you seemed to hold the names you made on high stead. You were very confident that if this incident didn’t happen, you’ll win the voting. Well, honey, wake up. Even if she didn’t say that, the name they made was already winning. You never did stand a chance.
6)Are you sure you’re not just bitter because the name they made won and yours didn’t?
7)And last but not least, you said that if you’re a temperamental person, you would’ve slapped her? I would love to see you try, sweetie.
Oh well, I think that’s all. I’m not very good in expressing my thoughts in words, so I hope I make my points across :)
Hi people! Today's my birthday so happy birthday to me, I guess? :D
For this birthday, my wishes are that I have a silky smooth year, longer and thicker hair, nice friends, healthy family and for me to become a better person which is my personal goal :)
Thanks for the greetings everyone, truly appreciate it. Thanks to all of my friends for putting up with me all this time. I know patience is never my best virtue, I get pissed off easily, I speak my mind too bluntly sometimes withiut mincing words, I'm selfish and strong-headed. I'm also very hot-headed and rash. I hate losing sometimes a little bit too much and I don't apologize easily.
Thanks for understanding my worst, and really, kudos to who are still my friends until now :)
