Down

Hello!
I'm feeling a bit down today very much similar to the current weather outside, heavy downpour.
I didn't succeed in my SNMPTN invitation, that much is guaranteed and I might have expected it so no surprise there but I don't know why I feel kinda sad.
I guess it's just the thought that I'm not good enough that I can not possibly bear.
This is the mind of a perfectionist over here.
I think that it's the fleeting hope that I might pass is what makes it most hurtful. I guess the saying expectation is the source of pain really does me a number on this one.
My mother is down with cough and I feel really really bad listening to her in the other room coughing every night. I feel guilty.
I sometimes wish for our positions to be reversed you know. I did nothing and I slept till very late while she can't sleep because her cough is not letting her to and she has to wake up early and work.
If it was me, I guess the sufferings won't be as much worse as it is with her.
And then my realization that the writing test of SNMPTN is really really close and I haven't learned anything yet. My whole future is at stake. A very wobbly and shaky stake.
I guess I didn't pass the test for the better. My resolution is pretty much corrupted and my hope is very much tainted.
The fleeting hope comes because of  my laziness and habit of procrastination, in vain wish that if I had passed this one then I do not need to study anymore for the writing test. Yeah, very stupid indeed.
Anyway, this is a short post.






Bye ♥

Titles AGAIN!

Fine, I finally found a name. I'll post the change in facebook and twitter, so yeah, if you missed the notification from earlier then yeah.
Title officially changed!

Titles

Thinking of changing my blog url. Bored with it.
What should I change it to?
Be back with more inspirations.




Tata ♥

The A-Team

Hola! I watched The Avengers again for the second time earlier this week, on Monday actually!
Ah yes, great great movie absolutely amazing. Not to mention, leaking of hot guys too. Oh man, when I went to watch it the first time I had not expected my face to melt off that much.
Chris Hemsworth or Thor is like sizzling hot there, and Robert Downey Jr aka Iron Man is not backing down a second. Well, who doesn't love a fabulous eye candy? I do!
Tom Hiddleston, the one who played Loki is actually a very good looking British in real life. Yes, I have that much love for The Brits and the Aussies. When Tom talked, it's like the guy could talk about sand still make it interesting.
Yeah, his voice is that dreamy. His O is so round, I don't know how to explain it but it's so full you know. Just go to Youtube and search his name, listen to his voice, I could listen to him all day.
Chris is sarcastically funny. He is always so worked up in interviews, like a ball of energy, so cute. You should look him up on the Letterman show, his skill of deadpanning is just so admirable and he is super adorable there too. Ever since he played Thor, he always has his hair up in this cute little ponytail which despite the fact that I hate long hair on guys, for him, I'll make a super big exception.
And anyway, Avengers is really super recommended. It's a pack of drama, action and humor. Some pretty awesome quotes too-I'm not spoiling any here though.

Also, Chris Hemsworth is playing in another movie which is coming out this year as well. It is a tale from our childhood remixed and packed with a punch.
Snow White and The Huntsman.
If you read the title and expected the heroine to lay down on a glass coffin and wait for Prince Charming to arrive then sadly, it has been readjusted to fit in the 21st century.
The Snow White will be fighting like a warrior in this movie. And guess who plays the Snow White?
It's Kristen Steward. My biggest disappointment in the movie.
I think the plotline is good already but why oh why in the name of Odin does the heroine has to be Kristen freaking Steward?
God, is there no other actress? The girl barely show a change of expression in Twilight and now she's getting a wholesome of huge blockbuster movies?
This Hollywood  minds, I can not comprehend.
By the way, Chris doesn't play Prince Charming in the movie, he's the huntsman. Yet another action film for him, awww, perfect for heart melting.
Even though I hate Kristen with all my heart and soul, I'm still watching the movie though. Just for Chris Hemsworth's nice piece of ass.
That guy is perfect I swear.

And enough about hot guys, really, I think you guys must have been bored to hell by my rambling of my favorite type of guy.
Anyway, I went to the beach today.
It was definitely worth sacrificing the hardly achieved whiteness of my skin for the tons of fun we had.
We took lots of pictures too. Unfortunately I had none for my external harddisk is yet to be back on my palms and we took it using my friend's DSLR.
Will post the pics ASAP.










Love ♥

Paparazzi

God, why oh why do I have to be an Indonesian? *sob sob
I'm so embarrassed by my countrymen's behaviors. Did you know that they banished Lady Gaga's Born This Way Ball? Oh my effing god, they even had this posters saying "REFUSE IMPORTS OF SATANIC BEHAVIORS"
Bitch please, our country had enough of those, we even export those why the hell do we even need to import anything? And guys, you guys are Muslims, not Christians . I mean, I can understand that some Christians may object Lady Gaga because some of her song titles are a little bit iffy for them but let's be honest here guys, her songs are awesome right?
Ugh, I have had enough with those organizations acting like their religion is the purest and the most righteous thing. And no offense to any Muslim reading my blog, but seriously guys?
Say no to Lady Gaga because her songs and stage act will corrupt our young generations' minds? As if they are not dirty enough already.
Those people do not understand that we live in the 21st century, for Odin's sake, internet, globalization and all that shit, dude. And seriously, I think it all comes back to the person. Every one has brains with enough capacity to process and make decisions on its own, if they want to submit themselves to occult, then nothing and no one can stop them.
They try to block all pornography sites from the internet because of the same reasons-in vain, may I remind you. They also blocked Maria Ozawa's movie, and burn Playboy magazine page by page when the magazine expanded their wings to Indonesia because of the improper pictures they say, and yet I bet my Oreos that they watched every single movie that Maria Ozawa stars in and also drools at every single pictures in Playboy, and they probably even had a hidden stash of the magazines beneath their beds.
See? Hypocrites.
The thing is you see, I think we all already know those stuffs from internet and books by heart. It happens around us, we heard bad words everyday, and I don't think anyone is as pure as they claim. Everyone knows that. They are very much in denial of the world.
Yeah guys, just live inside a cave like they did on Stone age. Woot!
They think they all did the right thing because they did everything in the name of God, tch, bitches you are all going to hell.
They are allowed to marry more than one woman, and it is their own people that marries underage girls-forced marriage if I may add. And yet, they act as if they are the purest people in the world.
They do violent demonstration all the time, they thrashed many places because they think it did not suit their God's way of seeing things.
I think that they didn't do it because of their God, they did in on the behalf of their own selfishness and is blinded by their own view of the world. In all actuality, they are the Satanic one.
Just so you guys know, Indonesian is a democratic country not an Islamic country. If you want everything to go by your so-called Islamic way, GO LIVE IN SAUDI ARABIA where I am sure everything is as you want it to be.
They yell at women wearing short skirts or pants and yet they relish in the view. You people are the worst kind of human, really. A waste of oxygen and space.
And I am so very sure that their God did not approve of such forcing and violent behavior. They are seeing their own reflections in the mirror, in every mirror that they became so self-conceited, nothing and no one really matters anymore.
One advice for you guys, WAKE UP.

And this is why I hate holding that green passport everywhere I go in this world.





Off ♥

Crash Your Party

Hello!
Yes, finally in accordance to my title, my party has been crashed!
By that SNMPTN test on mid June. I don't know how I'm supposed to study for that test right now.
Actually, I'm a planner but no so much of a doer. I make plans but I always break them, which is absolutely why I haven't even touched a single material of what is on the test.
A huge procrastinator that I am, I keep on delaying and delaying.
And now I feel a huge dissatisfaction because I'm supposed to be enjoying my holiday but I have to study. Why is that? I know it's for my future but it's the immature and inadequate side of myself talking right now.
I really am having my way at home. I wake up at noon almost evening, took a bath, eat, browse internet or play games then sleep again. Sometimes I hang out with friends but mostly I'm home.
I enjoyed being at home you know, probably because I'm not the kind of person that can stay out all day. I prefer staying at home most of the time if it's not blackout of course.
It might sound boring but I got so many things, or mangas to finish. I always read new mangas every holiday by a website on the internet. I always choose the one that has a lot of chapters because I had a lot of spare times but right now because of my eyes whose condition is getting worse, I can't really be in front of the computer as long as I liked which is a bummer really.
I'm reading Vampire Knight and Beelzebub at the moment, I won't spoil the storyline to you guys, if you're interested go read it on your own.
But if you're a boy you better go to Beelzebub cause Vampire Knights I think is more suitable to women. Yeah, I rarely read shojo manga, because I think shojo manga has a predictable story progress which is not fun at all although I make exceptions for some that have good drawings, especially the male character. Shonen manga FTW! There are some shojo manga that I really think is interesting like Skip Beat!, or Vampire Knight.
Oh come on, I am perfectly normal. Everyone does that!
Anyway, I'm gonna go to dentist today, Ouch.
I hate dentists, but I better be accustomed because I sure am gonna see them a lot for the upcoming years.
Sigh.
Signing off.






 Adios ♥

Graduation

Hi, I know it's too freaking late to blog about graduation but shit just hit me now. Pardon my language, using good and proper words to exaggerate has never been a strong suit.
Sometimes reality comes crashing to us, other times it dawns on us slowly despite our best efforts to ignore it. To add to my insanely long list of bad habits, I tend to ignore things or problems that I don't like and can't deal with long enough until it slaps me it the face.
It is, as I said before stupid, naive and cowardly. I'm working on it, trust me, not an easy thing to fix.
You know, I've been thinking, graduation really is a huge milestone in our lifes.
It marks our end in pursuing education and throws us straight at the merciless life. Yes, there is still college but don't you think that college is just like real life but with the formalities?
There is a big important choice waiting for us right at the end of high school.
And for me, nothing and no one is helping me make this decision, instead everyone is just stirring things up and adding to my confusion. I have yet to make a choice, by the way.
And now, I did not mean this post to burden you with my troubles as if you did not have enough dramas in your life already.

But graduation really is a huge thing.
You see, friends as we call them are like coins. Some are valuable and golden while some are merely two-faced and worthless, like pennies.
 And choosing friends are like betting your money in a roulette machine. Purely driven by luck because some masks we just can't unveil until the time comes.
That is why, never get too comfortable in your own shoes. You never know when it's gonna get stepped on. Just because it's new doesn't mean it's better. But new things and sales have always been a super attraction booster, aye?
I like to think that my rotten luck has gone and now, I see my friends as good ones, great even.
And the thing is, I hope that graduation won't take them away from me.
Pre graduation, we still hung out like usual but we are gonna go to different places to take on university.
When we met again after those times, will we still be able to talk idly for hours like we used to? Will we still laugh at stupid things like we were? Will we be like strangers, spouting formalities at each other, work and the weather while we used to be so close?
Ah, the mysteries of life. The change time brings upon us, still nothing prevails until time has chosen to.


You know, reading my blog and other people's blogs I noticed some significant differences.
Firstly, I had absolutely no idea how to customize my blog or make it more interesting. I see many many good pretty blogs and I just steamed with envy.
Secondly, I know and realized I got no writing skills whatsoever. You know, that kind of ability of choosing words and topics to grab people's attentions and not to bore people to death. My blog is so boring. I had ideas, words and sentences in my head but at time when I'm about to write it, my head went blank.
I've read novels and I've met writers who can just make us fly to their imaginary world and absorb us into the stories, that's why I know I possess no such talent.
Thirdly, my choice of words and repetitions. I tend to repeat words and I choose a very commonly used words, not those sophisticated ones that cool bloggers usually used.
Lastly, my English sucks, isn't it? Sorry. I've learned English at a very young age, and textbooks and rules never did apply to me. I learned better English through reading stories, listening to music and watching foreign movies. That's why my English is pretty much conversational rather than using proper grammars, tenses and vocabularies.
There I said it.

Anyway, I watched The Avengers yesterday! Super damn good! Love it. Must watch guys!
Fine, I'm not gonna bore you with my stuffs anymore. I'm out!





 Peace ♥

Iris

Hi! This is a post that I have written long ago just haven't got the heart to finish it :)
You know, I'm graduating real soon, I just need to grab the paper at 25th this month actually. And college is a very tough choice for me.
I am so not looking forward to college life.
I planned to go to Bandung, but I still can't be sure. I don't know how to adapt to the environment there, how to live without my parents' support, how to make friends, and the list goes on and on.
You see, this is why the post took so long to finish. I thought that if I don't think about it, then it will go away. The problems will go away.
This is a very naive and cowardly way of thinking or solving problems, I figured as much, just doesn't have the courage to acknowledge it.
The title of this post, Iris is actually a song title. Yeah, my titles are mostly taken from songs, I know I lacked imagination and creativity :)
There is one line that really struck me you know, it's the chorus.

I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand.

Exactly what I was thinking. I'm pretty much a weirdo, you know.
Well if you read my post or if you knew me, you'll know. I am a football hooligan, I listen to hard rock/metal songs, I hate pink, I am socially awkward, I don't look friendly and I am not friendly if we're only acquaintances or perhaps I hate you.
I don't think many people can actually stand being my close friend. I tend to lash out very often if in bad mood or if I disagree with you. Too stubborn for my own good, I am. Sigh, I suck really.
I find it hard to befriend people or greet people first because my pride are up to my eyeballs against it.
Oh man, how am I supposed to start a life there?
But on the brighter side, it's a new slate. People don't know me there so making a good impression will probably be easier. Yes, keep dreaming, you don't even talk Indonesian fluently.
I am in dilemma right now, where am I supposed to go?
If I stayed here in Medan, then I'll probably never be able to stand up by myself because I will be in constant support by my parents, beside there are some people here in Medan that I'd rather see dead.
Anyway, this national test to university that I'm taking is actually about 40ish day away and I have no preparation at all.
Screw me.

I'm dead, aren't I?





XOXO ♥