Iris

Hi! This is a post that I have written long ago just haven't got the heart to finish it :)
You know, I'm graduating real soon, I just need to grab the paper at 25th this month actually. And college is a very tough choice for me.
I am so not looking forward to college life.
I planned to go to Bandung, but I still can't be sure. I don't know how to adapt to the environment there, how to live without my parents' support, how to make friends, and the list goes on and on.
You see, this is why the post took so long to finish. I thought that if I don't think about it, then it will go away. The problems will go away.
This is a very naive and cowardly way of thinking or solving problems, I figured as much, just doesn't have the courage to acknowledge it.
The title of this post, Iris is actually a song title. Yeah, my titles are mostly taken from songs, I know I lacked imagination and creativity :)
There is one line that really struck me you know, it's the chorus.

I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand.

Exactly what I was thinking. I'm pretty much a weirdo, you know.
Well if you read my post or if you knew me, you'll know. I am a football hooligan, I listen to hard rock/metal songs, I hate pink, I am socially awkward, I don't look friendly and I am not friendly if we're only acquaintances or perhaps I hate you.
I don't think many people can actually stand being my close friend. I tend to lash out very often if in bad mood or if I disagree with you. Too stubborn for my own good, I am. Sigh, I suck really.
I find it hard to befriend people or greet people first because my pride are up to my eyeballs against it.
Oh man, how am I supposed to start a life there?
But on the brighter side, it's a new slate. People don't know me there so making a good impression will probably be easier. Yes, keep dreaming, you don't even talk Indonesian fluently.
I am in dilemma right now, where am I supposed to go?
If I stayed here in Medan, then I'll probably never be able to stand up by myself because I will be in constant support by my parents, beside there are some people here in Medan that I'd rather see dead.
Anyway, this national test to university that I'm taking is actually about 40ish day away and I have no preparation at all.
Screw me.

I'm dead, aren't I?





XOXO ♥