Future is a funny thing isn't it? So bleak and foggy, we'll never know what will happen the next minute, hour, day or even this very next second. It's frustratingly mysterious and it's driving me nuts.
In a few months, I will be making a huge decision that will affect my whole life. One wrong step and my life will be altered forever. It's a tremendous pressure for my shoulders and really, I couldn't decide on anything yet.
Actually, my parents advised me to major in Accounting, which I had previously decided on but then I realized that Accounting didn't suit me. I don't like it and I really don't think I will enjoy it at all. I had my sights set on Psychology, but I think it will prove to be hard finding a job majoring on Psychology. I probably will be a shrink, dwelling with crazy, mentally-tempered people as if I'm not crazy enough already.
I wanted to study abroad but my mother said no, my father said nothing but I can see that he actually forbid me going anywhere. So, I shrink my hope into studying in Java. yet again my mother told me that if I wanted to attend a university there I have to have a friend with me.
I have big dreams, but situation forbid me. It's so frustrating having so many choices but so limited chances.
You know, I find my future very boring. We will all probably be working in an office somewhere or have a business somewhat, these are the things that our parents and society are expecting us to do. Also these are the "safe" life we will be threading on for the rest of our lifes.
I wish I wasn't born here, I wish I wasn't born with these situation. I wanted to go backpacking, I often fantasize of it. Imagine the life of living freely, interacting with wilderness, going wherever you wanna go and all that exciting details. Oh man, I love it!
I want to feel that awkwardness when arriving on a foreign place, feel the nervousness when talking with unknown people, studying a new culture, surfing on a deserted beach, studying cultures of exotic places, feel the ecstasical rush of adrenaline surging through the veins. Oh my! Unbelievable. Send shivers through my spines whenever I think about it.
I'm feeling like a caged bird. Wanting to spread my wings wide and fly but then found out that I was being fed through someone's hand and living a comfortable but not desirable restricted life.
Geez. What will become of my future? What if I regret my choice? What if I didn't succeed? And a lot more what ifs going in my head.
Bye ♥
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Fireworks
Happy Chinese New Year fellas! My favorite holiday of the year is better because we had our inauguration party yesterday and also we got a week off! Yeah!
Anyway, about our party, it's better than I expected but still a little cold. I figured that things turn to the better after the teachers went home, we literally were jumping onstage. Lol!
We took lots of pictures yesterday although there is a little incident with someone who I'm not mentioning here that really got me angry but the rest was cool. By the way, the photographers were so unprofessional. That's all I'm saying, the details will not be spared since I'm not gonna ruin their reputation in public but if you ask me, then I'll tell you in private :) I'm not scared even if someone will probably be printing this post *winkwink* because I'm merely stating the fact in my point of view and on my blog. I mentioned neither names nor details therefore no reputation is tainted (well, I don't even know their names really so I don't think the details will be either exciting or harmful to anyone lol). But if someone felt that my jab is directed to them, then feel free! The internet is a free space to do anything really, and human brain is a wonderful creation. LOL!
It's great that we had our friend Steanly who came as a back up photographer :) Thanks dude! We love you!
We love the decorations and the food and everything really. Plus the fact that my beloved (note the sarcasm) teacher didn't came add to my joy \m/
Also thank you for everyone who had helped us in preparing the event, you guys rock!
Anyway, tomorrow is angpao day! Lol. I'll be going back to my hometown in a few days so expect lack of posting in this week :)
PS. To you, yes you. I know what you did yesterday and trust me, it's not ending here. You'll see!
XOXO ♥
Anyway, about our party, it's better than I expected but still a little cold. I figured that things turn to the better after the teachers went home, we literally were jumping onstage. Lol!
We took lots of pictures yesterday although there is a little incident with someone who I'm not mentioning here that really got me angry but the rest was cool. By the way, the photographers were so unprofessional. That's all I'm saying, the details will not be spared since I'm not gonna ruin their reputation in public but if you ask me, then I'll tell you in private :) I'm not scared even if someone will probably be printing this post *winkwink* because I'm merely stating the fact in my point of view and on my blog. I mentioned neither names nor details therefore no reputation is tainted (well, I don't even know their names really so I don't think the details will be either exciting or harmful to anyone lol). But if someone felt that my jab is directed to them, then feel free! The internet is a free space to do anything really, and human brain is a wonderful creation. LOL!
It's great that we had our friend Steanly who came as a back up photographer :) Thanks dude! We love you!
We love the decorations and the food and everything really. Plus the fact that my beloved (note the sarcasm) teacher didn't came add to my joy \m/
Also thank you for everyone who had helped us in preparing the event, you guys rock!
Anyway, tomorrow is angpao day! Lol. I'll be going back to my hometown in a few days so expect lack of posting in this week :)
PS. To you, yes you. I know what you did yesterday and trust me, it's not ending here. You'll see!
XOXO ♥
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Galau-ing
Should be right around time to be galau-ing.
I don't feel anything anymore. I'm shocked that I actually took this long to realize that I don't deserve you. I deserve someone better, much better. And I'm grateful for all that had happened.
Just so you know, I'm not an honest one. I drop clues not hints. You see, both might seem similar--similar but not the same. Clues mean you need to collect them and find out the hidden truth, while hints are well, hints to whatever was inside, see what I mean? No? Well, don't blame yourself, I suck in storytelling or describing or anything, really!
So yeah, I am never gonna just come up to you and confess, that's just not me. I have many layers of dignity that even my own feelings won't be able to strip far. I'm stubborn and selfish with pride all over my head, I am so prideful that I don't like apologizing or admitting defeat. I am a winner, I thrive to be one, or at least I hope I could be one. You knew that, you must have known, we've been friends for so long. Did you pretend to not notice that? Did you act like you didn't know how I feel? Or what? Are you waiting for my confession? Don't hold on to it. Will never ever happen.
But now, I don't care anymore. I gave up long long time ago. This is a new book, a new beginning for me without you. I won't let you taint any page with your drama. I closed our chapter that time, and burned it recently.
I am pretty content with myself now. I have no lingering feeling for you or anyone for the matter and I feel free. At least I don't need to worry of whether you're gonna text or not, well, your blackberry is inactive at the moment. Anyway, this is not about my ex, although it may seem so. I got no feeling for my exes as well by the way. This is about a guy that has never been in a relationship with me even if we already looked like a couple.
Thanks for the memories. Farewell.
Off ♥
I don't feel anything anymore. I'm shocked that I actually took this long to realize that I don't deserve you. I deserve someone better, much better. And I'm grateful for all that had happened.
Just so you know, I'm not an honest one. I drop clues not hints. You see, both might seem similar--similar but not the same. Clues mean you need to collect them and find out the hidden truth, while hints are well, hints to whatever was inside, see what I mean? No? Well, don't blame yourself, I suck in storytelling or describing or anything, really!
So yeah, I am never gonna just come up to you and confess, that's just not me. I have many layers of dignity that even my own feelings won't be able to strip far. I'm stubborn and selfish with pride all over my head, I am so prideful that I don't like apologizing or admitting defeat. I am a winner, I thrive to be one, or at least I hope I could be one. You knew that, you must have known, we've been friends for so long. Did you pretend to not notice that? Did you act like you didn't know how I feel? Or what? Are you waiting for my confession? Don't hold on to it. Will never ever happen.
But now, I don't care anymore. I gave up long long time ago. This is a new book, a new beginning for me without you. I won't let you taint any page with your drama. I closed our chapter that time, and burned it recently.
I am pretty content with myself now. I have no lingering feeling for you or anyone for the matter and I feel free. At least I don't need to worry of whether you're gonna text or not, well, your blackberry is inactive at the moment. Anyway, this is not about my ex, although it may seem so. I got no feeling for my exes as well by the way. This is about a guy that has never been in a relationship with me even if we already looked like a couple.
Thanks for the memories. Farewell.
Off ♥
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Reports
Hi! Haven't been blogging for a long time, eh?
Happy new year! It's 2012 now. Wishing for the best, having a blast with my friends now. Lol.
Anyway! We got our report cards today, and mine kinda sucked. Wish it could be better, no, knew it could've been better if I had studied a bit more. But oh well, whatever. It's better than I had anticipated though, I really lost all my mood to study during exam recently. Maybe because my mind is relaxing from the thought that it's my last year.
Ah, forget my gloominess! Here now, I'd like to congratulate my deskmate Hardiansyah aka Achen for getting the THIRD rank! Oh, that is so freaking awesome! He deserves it though, he worked and studied really hard. I'm truly happy for him. Congrats again Chen!
I have been lazy lately. So freaking lazy. Oh and by the way even if I lost my study mood, I never cheated in exams, it's all hard work baby. Don't you just hate it you know when someone ask you your rank and then they don't believe it and say you cheat? To those kind of people, I would take the privilege to say FUCK YOU. Or fuck off? Ah, works either way. Go to hell, mate. You don't study hard enough and now you accuse me of cheating? Grr! Gets on my nerves each time it happened, well, except if it's a joke. Lol.
GTG ♥
Happy new year! It's 2012 now. Wishing for the best, having a blast with my friends now. Lol.
Anyway! We got our report cards today, and mine kinda sucked. Wish it could be better, no, knew it could've been better if I had studied a bit more. But oh well, whatever. It's better than I had anticipated though, I really lost all my mood to study during exam recently. Maybe because my mind is relaxing from the thought that it's my last year.
Ah, forget my gloominess! Here now, I'd like to congratulate my deskmate Hardiansyah aka Achen for getting the THIRD rank! Oh, that is so freaking awesome! He deserves it though, he worked and studied really hard. I'm truly happy for him. Congrats again Chen!
I have been lazy lately. So freaking lazy. Oh and by the way even if I lost my study mood, I never cheated in exams, it's all hard work baby. Don't you just hate it you know when someone ask you your rank and then they don't believe it and say you cheat? To those kind of people, I would take the privilege to say FUCK YOU. Or fuck off? Ah, works either way. Go to hell, mate. You don't study hard enough and now you accuse me of cheating? Grr! Gets on my nerves each time it happened, well, except if it's a joke. Lol.
GTG ♥
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