Future is a funny thing isn't it? So bleak and foggy, we'll never know what will happen the next minute, hour, day or even this very next second. It's frustratingly mysterious and it's driving me nuts.
In a few months, I will be making a huge decision that will affect my whole life. One wrong step and my life will be altered forever. It's a tremendous pressure for my shoulders and really, I couldn't decide on anything yet.
Actually, my parents advised me to major in Accounting, which I had previously decided on but then I realized that Accounting didn't suit me. I don't like it and I really don't think I will enjoy it at all. I had my sights set on Psychology, but I think it will prove to be hard finding a job majoring on Psychology. I probably will be a shrink, dwelling with crazy, mentally-tempered people as if I'm not crazy enough already.
I wanted to study abroad but my mother said no, my father said nothing but I can see that he actually forbid me going anywhere. So, I shrink my hope into studying in Java. yet again my mother told me that if I wanted to attend a university there I have to have a friend with me.
I have big dreams, but situation forbid me. It's so frustrating having so many choices but so limited chances.
You know, I find my future very boring. We will all probably be working in an office somewhere or have a business somewhat, these are the things that our parents and society are expecting us to do. Also these are the "safe" life we will be threading on for the rest of our lifes.
I wish I wasn't born here, I wish I wasn't born with these situation. I wanted to go backpacking, I often fantasize of it. Imagine the life of living freely, interacting with wilderness, going wherever you wanna go and all that exciting details. Oh man, I love it!
I want to feel that awkwardness when arriving on a foreign place, feel the nervousness when talking with unknown people, studying a new culture, surfing on a deserted beach, studying cultures of exotic places, feel the ecstasical rush of adrenaline surging through the veins. Oh my! Unbelievable. Send shivers through my spines whenever I think about it.
I'm feeling like a caged bird. Wanting to spread my wings wide and fly but then found out that I was being fed through someone's hand and living a comfortable but not desirable restricted life.
Geez. What will become of my future? What if I regret my choice? What if I didn't succeed? And a lot more what ifs going in my head.
Bye ♥
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