Down

Hello!
I'm feeling a bit down today very much similar to the current weather outside, heavy downpour.
I didn't succeed in my SNMPTN invitation, that much is guaranteed and I might have expected it so no surprise there but I don't know why I feel kinda sad.
I guess it's just the thought that I'm not good enough that I can not possibly bear.
This is the mind of a perfectionist over here.
I think that it's the fleeting hope that I might pass is what makes it most hurtful. I guess the saying expectation is the source of pain really does me a number on this one.
My mother is down with cough and I feel really really bad listening to her in the other room coughing every night. I feel guilty.
I sometimes wish for our positions to be reversed you know. I did nothing and I slept till very late while she can't sleep because her cough is not letting her to and she has to wake up early and work.
If it was me, I guess the sufferings won't be as much worse as it is with her.
And then my realization that the writing test of SNMPTN is really really close and I haven't learned anything yet. My whole future is at stake. A very wobbly and shaky stake.
I guess I didn't pass the test for the better. My resolution is pretty much corrupted and my hope is very much tainted.
The fleeting hope comes because of  my laziness and habit of procrastination, in vain wish that if I had passed this one then I do not need to study anymore for the writing test. Yeah, very stupid indeed.
Anyway, this is a short post.






Bye ♥