Hello! Long time no post :)
Been so fed up with school works recently. I never really learned anything from school, never had. I always go to school you know to gossip, fool around, chat or play games to kill time.
School's good, it's great but if only they got rid of the waking up early and the piling homeworks. Nah, exams are okay in my head. Actually, I only feel like a student when it's exams time.
Ah then again, will be leaving school. There goes 15 years of my life spent like a blink of eye. I'm gonna miss school. Heck, I'll even do it all again if possible.
See, I'm going to make a choice in the near future. I need determination. I have none.
What can I do really?
To some people, choices are easy to make. But for me, who always think too much, I have many at stake.
Usually, it's the moms who felt like they don't want their kids to leave, for me, I felt like I can't leave her. Why, you ask?
She's naive. She trusts too easily, she's way too kind for her own good. I am usually the one who barks off all the disturbances, I can't really imagine how will it be when I'm gone.
Cause you know, it's not an easy option. I am going to miss out an entire 3-4 years of my parents' life. I have never been that far away from them before. I have to admit, it sure will be hell to adapt.
I can't really leave my parents, especially my mom on her own. Because except for the reasons I listed above, she is also very nurturing and protective to us. You know, she never really wanted us to do the house works but I insisted on me and my brother helping. She has worked too hard, she must be exhausted but noooo, she just won't ask for help which I will gladly drag my brother to if I must.
Problem is that stupid idiotic brother of mine is just either too stupid or too ignorant to care. I really hate him sometimes. He didn't think about how tired my mom must be, how we as her children should've helped. He is always about his computer, online games.
Sometimes I just want to change the speedy password so that he will not be able to play it again. Which I will do, if I don't see a change tonight.
I have talked to him many times, soft in the beginning but somehow he just managed to piss me off in the middle and I always ended up saying harsh things. I find it hard to sugarcoat my words even when I'm focused so you can imagine when I'm pissed.
Well, let's see tonight. Will blog the result if I have time.
Adios ♥
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Friday, February 17, 2012
Turning Tables
HELLO! Phew, haven't been blogging for so long!
I have thought about posting something before but always forgot. Lol!
So I'm here now :)
My dark skin has gotten even darker since that day when we took pictures in Cemara, sucks :( It'll be hell to whiten up again *sigh*
Valentine's has just passed you know. The official reminder to every single people on this world that you are SINGLE -.- Well, I'm always single on Valentine's. I changed boyfriend annually and we never made it to Valentine's. In fact, I don't think I've ever passed the New Year's Eve with a boyfriend. LOL!
I think it's due to my hot-headed, stubborn, hard-hearted nature. I'm very opinionated, so there's no changing if I'm set on something, I feel like I'm always right ._. This has proven to be quite the obstacle in my love life.
My last boyfriend has the exact same nature as I do. Oh wow, you can only imagine how our fights were. AK47s, Rocket Launchers, you name it. It's an all out war, no one really backed down. We're too stubborn for our own good. We fought for like every single day in our relationship. There's no day gone without a fight. Be it simple petty fights over trivial things or huge fights that always left us critically wounded. But you know, in the end, love made everything okay. We lasted 7 or 8 months, no one expected it, given our situation at time. But there were sweet memories too, you know, the kind that always resonated through your head when you decided that it's over, the kind that always made you think again before letting go. I think that's what kept us together that time. Fortunately, I moved on :)
You know, everytime I checked my timeline, there are always a couple of people who always tweet about their love life, or galau-ing, as they call it. I feel extremely grateful to know that I have no feeling for anyone at the moment. I don't crush on anyone, or like anyone so it's pretty much peaceful for me :D
Love is quite the strange thing you know. I wish I'd never fall in love, but love is so beautiful that you know you'll regret never experiencing it.
To tell the truth, I have never had a good love story. Those romantic, super sweet ones. Good guys just don't come for me, I think I attract guys of the same head as I do. Someone like me needed someone who will back down, who will let me win but not stepping over their head. Someone who can control my fires, not fight back with fire but the one who will splash water all over me. The soothing type. Never fallen for one.
I always fell for the bad ones. I wonder why -.-
Ah, perhaps it's not yet time for me. It's okay really. I view all the experiences as lessons. Not like I ever followed the lessons anyway :p
Ciao ♥
I have thought about posting something before but always forgot. Lol!
So I'm here now :)
My dark skin has gotten even darker since that day when we took pictures in Cemara, sucks :( It'll be hell to whiten up again *sigh*
Valentine's has just passed you know. The official reminder to every single people on this world that you are SINGLE -.- Well, I'm always single on Valentine's. I changed boyfriend annually and we never made it to Valentine's. In fact, I don't think I've ever passed the New Year's Eve with a boyfriend. LOL!
I think it's due to my hot-headed, stubborn, hard-hearted nature. I'm very opinionated, so there's no changing if I'm set on something, I feel like I'm always right ._. This has proven to be quite the obstacle in my love life.
My last boyfriend has the exact same nature as I do. Oh wow, you can only imagine how our fights were. AK47s, Rocket Launchers, you name it. It's an all out war, no one really backed down. We're too stubborn for our own good. We fought for like every single day in our relationship. There's no day gone without a fight. Be it simple petty fights over trivial things or huge fights that always left us critically wounded. But you know, in the end, love made everything okay. We lasted 7 or 8 months, no one expected it, given our situation at time. But there were sweet memories too, you know, the kind that always resonated through your head when you decided that it's over, the kind that always made you think again before letting go. I think that's what kept us together that time. Fortunately, I moved on :)
You know, everytime I checked my timeline, there are always a couple of people who always tweet about their love life, or galau-ing, as they call it. I feel extremely grateful to know that I have no feeling for anyone at the moment. I don't crush on anyone, or like anyone so it's pretty much peaceful for me :D
Love is quite the strange thing you know. I wish I'd never fall in love, but love is so beautiful that you know you'll regret never experiencing it.
To tell the truth, I have never had a good love story. Those romantic, super sweet ones. Good guys just don't come for me, I think I attract guys of the same head as I do. Someone like me needed someone who will back down, who will let me win but not stepping over their head. Someone who can control my fires, not fight back with fire but the one who will splash water all over me. The soothing type. Never fallen for one.
I always fell for the bad ones. I wonder why -.-
Ah, perhaps it's not yet time for me. It's okay really. I view all the experiences as lessons. Not like I ever followed the lessons anyway :p
Ciao ♥
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
This Crystal Ball is Always Clouded
Future is a funny thing isn't it? So bleak and foggy, we'll never know what will happen the next minute, hour, day or even this very next second. It's frustratingly mysterious and it's driving me nuts.
In a few months, I will be making a huge decision that will affect my whole life. One wrong step and my life will be altered forever. It's a tremendous pressure for my shoulders and really, I couldn't decide on anything yet.
Actually, my parents advised me to major in Accounting, which I had previously decided on but then I realized that Accounting didn't suit me. I don't like it and I really don't think I will enjoy it at all. I had my sights set on Psychology, but I think it will prove to be hard finding a job majoring on Psychology. I probably will be a shrink, dwelling with crazy, mentally-tempered people as if I'm not crazy enough already.
I wanted to study abroad but my mother said no, my father said nothing but I can see that he actually forbid me going anywhere. So, I shrink my hope into studying in Java. yet again my mother told me that if I wanted to attend a university there I have to have a friend with me.
I have big dreams, but situation forbid me. It's so frustrating having so many choices but so limited chances.
You know, I find my future very boring. We will all probably be working in an office somewhere or have a business somewhat, these are the things that our parents and society are expecting us to do. Also these are the "safe" life we will be threading on for the rest of our lifes.
I wish I wasn't born here, I wish I wasn't born with these situation. I wanted to go backpacking, I often fantasize of it. Imagine the life of living freely, interacting with wilderness, going wherever you wanna go and all that exciting details. Oh man, I love it!
I want to feel that awkwardness when arriving on a foreign place, feel the nervousness when talking with unknown people, studying a new culture, surfing on a deserted beach, studying cultures of exotic places, feel the ecstasical rush of adrenaline surging through the veins. Oh my! Unbelievable. Send shivers through my spines whenever I think about it.
I'm feeling like a caged bird. Wanting to spread my wings wide and fly but then found out that I was being fed through someone's hand and living a comfortable but not desirable restricted life.
Geez. What will become of my future? What if I regret my choice? What if I didn't succeed? And a lot more what ifs going in my head.
Bye ♥
In a few months, I will be making a huge decision that will affect my whole life. One wrong step and my life will be altered forever. It's a tremendous pressure for my shoulders and really, I couldn't decide on anything yet.
Actually, my parents advised me to major in Accounting, which I had previously decided on but then I realized that Accounting didn't suit me. I don't like it and I really don't think I will enjoy it at all. I had my sights set on Psychology, but I think it will prove to be hard finding a job majoring on Psychology. I probably will be a shrink, dwelling with crazy, mentally-tempered people as if I'm not crazy enough already.
I wanted to study abroad but my mother said no, my father said nothing but I can see that he actually forbid me going anywhere. So, I shrink my hope into studying in Java. yet again my mother told me that if I wanted to attend a university there I have to have a friend with me.
I have big dreams, but situation forbid me. It's so frustrating having so many choices but so limited chances.
You know, I find my future very boring. We will all probably be working in an office somewhere or have a business somewhat, these are the things that our parents and society are expecting us to do. Also these are the "safe" life we will be threading on for the rest of our lifes.
I wish I wasn't born here, I wish I wasn't born with these situation. I wanted to go backpacking, I often fantasize of it. Imagine the life of living freely, interacting with wilderness, going wherever you wanna go and all that exciting details. Oh man, I love it!
I want to feel that awkwardness when arriving on a foreign place, feel the nervousness when talking with unknown people, studying a new culture, surfing on a deserted beach, studying cultures of exotic places, feel the ecstasical rush of adrenaline surging through the veins. Oh my! Unbelievable. Send shivers through my spines whenever I think about it.
I'm feeling like a caged bird. Wanting to spread my wings wide and fly but then found out that I was being fed through someone's hand and living a comfortable but not desirable restricted life.
Geez. What will become of my future? What if I regret my choice? What if I didn't succeed? And a lot more what ifs going in my head.
Bye ♥
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Fireworks
Happy Chinese New Year fellas! My favorite holiday of the year is better because we had our inauguration party yesterday and also we got a week off! Yeah!
Anyway, about our party, it's better than I expected but still a little cold. I figured that things turn to the better after the teachers went home, we literally were jumping onstage. Lol!
We took lots of pictures yesterday although there is a little incident with someone who I'm not mentioning here that really got me angry but the rest was cool. By the way, the photographers were so unprofessional. That's all I'm saying, the details will not be spared since I'm not gonna ruin their reputation in public but if you ask me, then I'll tell you in private :) I'm not scared even if someone will probably be printing this post *winkwink* because I'm merely stating the fact in my point of view and on my blog. I mentioned neither names nor details therefore no reputation is tainted (well, I don't even know their names really so I don't think the details will be either exciting or harmful to anyone lol). But if someone felt that my jab is directed to them, then feel free! The internet is a free space to do anything really, and human brain is a wonderful creation. LOL!
It's great that we had our friend Steanly who came as a back up photographer :) Thanks dude! We love you!
We love the decorations and the food and everything really. Plus the fact that my beloved (note the sarcasm) teacher didn't came add to my joy \m/
Also thank you for everyone who had helped us in preparing the event, you guys rock!
Anyway, tomorrow is angpao day! Lol. I'll be going back to my hometown in a few days so expect lack of posting in this week :)
PS. To you, yes you. I know what you did yesterday and trust me, it's not ending here. You'll see!
XOXO ♥
Anyway, about our party, it's better than I expected but still a little cold. I figured that things turn to the better after the teachers went home, we literally were jumping onstage. Lol!
We took lots of pictures yesterday although there is a little incident with someone who I'm not mentioning here that really got me angry but the rest was cool. By the way, the photographers were so unprofessional. That's all I'm saying, the details will not be spared since I'm not gonna ruin their reputation in public but if you ask me, then I'll tell you in private :) I'm not scared even if someone will probably be printing this post *winkwink* because I'm merely stating the fact in my point of view and on my blog. I mentioned neither names nor details therefore no reputation is tainted (well, I don't even know their names really so I don't think the details will be either exciting or harmful to anyone lol). But if someone felt that my jab is directed to them, then feel free! The internet is a free space to do anything really, and human brain is a wonderful creation. LOL!
It's great that we had our friend Steanly who came as a back up photographer :) Thanks dude! We love you!
We love the decorations and the food and everything really. Plus the fact that my beloved (note the sarcasm) teacher didn't came add to my joy \m/
Also thank you for everyone who had helped us in preparing the event, you guys rock!
Anyway, tomorrow is angpao day! Lol. I'll be going back to my hometown in a few days so expect lack of posting in this week :)
PS. To you, yes you. I know what you did yesterday and trust me, it's not ending here. You'll see!
XOXO ♥
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Galau-ing
Should be right around time to be galau-ing.
I don't feel anything anymore. I'm shocked that I actually took this long to realize that I don't deserve you. I deserve someone better, much better. And I'm grateful for all that had happened.
Just so you know, I'm not an honest one. I drop clues not hints. You see, both might seem similar--similar but not the same. Clues mean you need to collect them and find out the hidden truth, while hints are well, hints to whatever was inside, see what I mean? No? Well, don't blame yourself, I suck in storytelling or describing or anything, really!
So yeah, I am never gonna just come up to you and confess, that's just not me. I have many layers of dignity that even my own feelings won't be able to strip far. I'm stubborn and selfish with pride all over my head, I am so prideful that I don't like apologizing or admitting defeat. I am a winner, I thrive to be one, or at least I hope I could be one. You knew that, you must have known, we've been friends for so long. Did you pretend to not notice that? Did you act like you didn't know how I feel? Or what? Are you waiting for my confession? Don't hold on to it. Will never ever happen.
But now, I don't care anymore. I gave up long long time ago. This is a new book, a new beginning for me without you. I won't let you taint any page with your drama. I closed our chapter that time, and burned it recently.
I am pretty content with myself now. I have no lingering feeling for you or anyone for the matter and I feel free. At least I don't need to worry of whether you're gonna text or not, well, your blackberry is inactive at the moment. Anyway, this is not about my ex, although it may seem so. I got no feeling for my exes as well by the way. This is about a guy that has never been in a relationship with me even if we already looked like a couple.
Thanks for the memories. Farewell.
Off ♥
I don't feel anything anymore. I'm shocked that I actually took this long to realize that I don't deserve you. I deserve someone better, much better. And I'm grateful for all that had happened.
Just so you know, I'm not an honest one. I drop clues not hints. You see, both might seem similar--similar but not the same. Clues mean you need to collect them and find out the hidden truth, while hints are well, hints to whatever was inside, see what I mean? No? Well, don't blame yourself, I suck in storytelling or describing or anything, really!
So yeah, I am never gonna just come up to you and confess, that's just not me. I have many layers of dignity that even my own feelings won't be able to strip far. I'm stubborn and selfish with pride all over my head, I am so prideful that I don't like apologizing or admitting defeat. I am a winner, I thrive to be one, or at least I hope I could be one. You knew that, you must have known, we've been friends for so long. Did you pretend to not notice that? Did you act like you didn't know how I feel? Or what? Are you waiting for my confession? Don't hold on to it. Will never ever happen.
But now, I don't care anymore. I gave up long long time ago. This is a new book, a new beginning for me without you. I won't let you taint any page with your drama. I closed our chapter that time, and burned it recently.
I am pretty content with myself now. I have no lingering feeling for you or anyone for the matter and I feel free. At least I don't need to worry of whether you're gonna text or not, well, your blackberry is inactive at the moment. Anyway, this is not about my ex, although it may seem so. I got no feeling for my exes as well by the way. This is about a guy that has never been in a relationship with me even if we already looked like a couple.
Thanks for the memories. Farewell.
Off ♥
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Reports
Hi! Haven't been blogging for a long time, eh?
Happy new year! It's 2012 now. Wishing for the best, having a blast with my friends now. Lol.
Anyway! We got our report cards today, and mine kinda sucked. Wish it could be better, no, knew it could've been better if I had studied a bit more. But oh well, whatever. It's better than I had anticipated though, I really lost all my mood to study during exam recently. Maybe because my mind is relaxing from the thought that it's my last year.
Ah, forget my gloominess! Here now, I'd like to congratulate my deskmate Hardiansyah aka Achen for getting the THIRD rank! Oh, that is so freaking awesome! He deserves it though, he worked and studied really hard. I'm truly happy for him. Congrats again Chen!
I have been lazy lately. So freaking lazy. Oh and by the way even if I lost my study mood, I never cheated in exams, it's all hard work baby. Don't you just hate it you know when someone ask you your rank and then they don't believe it and say you cheat? To those kind of people, I would take the privilege to say FUCK YOU. Or fuck off? Ah, works either way. Go to hell, mate. You don't study hard enough and now you accuse me of cheating? Grr! Gets on my nerves each time it happened, well, except if it's a joke. Lol.
GTG ♥
Happy new year! It's 2012 now. Wishing for the best, having a blast with my friends now. Lol.
Anyway! We got our report cards today, and mine kinda sucked. Wish it could be better, no, knew it could've been better if I had studied a bit more. But oh well, whatever. It's better than I had anticipated though, I really lost all my mood to study during exam recently. Maybe because my mind is relaxing from the thought that it's my last year.
Ah, forget my gloominess! Here now, I'd like to congratulate my deskmate Hardiansyah aka Achen for getting the THIRD rank! Oh, that is so freaking awesome! He deserves it though, he worked and studied really hard. I'm truly happy for him. Congrats again Chen!
I have been lazy lately. So freaking lazy. Oh and by the way even if I lost my study mood, I never cheated in exams, it's all hard work baby. Don't you just hate it you know when someone ask you your rank and then they don't believe it and say you cheat? To those kind of people, I would take the privilege to say FUCK YOU. Or fuck off? Ah, works either way. Go to hell, mate. You don't study hard enough and now you accuse me of cheating? Grr! Gets on my nerves each time it happened, well, except if it's a joke. Lol.
GTG ♥
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Almost Easy
My bloody alarm rang at 10 in the freaking morning today and I wondered as I tried to haul my lazy ass off the bed, since when did I set an alarm to ring in 10 in the morning on a freaking holiday? Then it hit me straight away, oh my effing god, today is the second death anniversary of James Owen Sullivan, or The Reverend Tholomew Plague or The Rev.
Kinda sadden me you know. I really regret that time when Avenged Sevenfold came to Jakarta on one of their tours and I missed that. I begged and begged but my parents apparently think that going to Jakarta and a hard rock concert alone equal to suicide mission.In their mind, a rock concert is full of topless people who dyed and styled their hair with punk styles and huge bikes. Not really, you know. I mean, not all of rockaholics had that kind of look, I don't. But I somehow understand their position, they just don't want me getting in danger, but! I can take care of myself, hopefully. And not be stupid enough to get caught on a pit circle. Google up pit circle if you had no idea what it is.
Now, I think back and kinda feel remorse you know. If only I had begged harder, if only I can convince them.
Back then I would be able to watch them as a band, the real band they started as. No offense to Mike Portnoy, he is one of the greatest drummers alive, ex-drummer of Dream Theater, for your information. But still, can't really match up to The Rev you know :'(
Come back The Rev, it's almost easy. Gone but never forgotten. I hope you start your own bat country in the afterlife, complete with the beast and the harlot :')
foREVer ♥
Kinda sadden me you know. I really regret that time when Avenged Sevenfold came to Jakarta on one of their tours and I missed that. I begged and begged but my parents apparently think that going to Jakarta and a hard rock concert alone equal to suicide mission.In their mind, a rock concert is full of topless people who dyed and styled their hair with punk styles and huge bikes. Not really, you know. I mean, not all of rockaholics had that kind of look, I don't. But I somehow understand their position, they just don't want me getting in danger, but! I can take care of myself, hopefully. And not be stupid enough to get caught on a pit circle. Google up pit circle if you had no idea what it is.
Now, I think back and kinda feel remorse you know. If only I had begged harder, if only I can convince them.
Back then I would be able to watch them as a band, the real band they started as. No offense to Mike Portnoy, he is one of the greatest drummers alive, ex-drummer of Dream Theater, for your information. But still, can't really match up to The Rev you know :'(
Come back The Rev, it's almost easy. Gone but never forgotten. I hope you start your own bat country in the afterlife, complete with the beast and the harlot :')
foREVer ♥
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