Progress and Regress

It's the second day of exam and it still sucks. Cloud over my head and it rained on the exam, so yeah, you know how that feels.
Okay, so in today's post I would like to talk about the progress we made and the regress.

You know, when I was a kid, I never thought that I need my parents. I always had a mindset that I can live alone without depending on them, I just need the money from them. It's a progress of mind, I think. For a kid, to think like an adult, an independent adult. I figured that way of thinking came from the bitterness in me, seeing as my parents seemingly love my brother more than me. I'd admit, I got treated unfairly when I was a kid. When I got a sixty or below scores, my father would yell and hit me, if my brother got that score, my parents would talk to him and give him another chance. If I got seventy, it would be a lot of yelling, my brother, nothing, like it's usual. If it's eighty, my father would say, "You didn't study did you? Only eighty? Just what the hell have you been doing all this time?". My brother? He got a praise, my father would say, "Keep it up, okay?"

Even ninety is never good enough for my father. He wanted straight hundreds for my report cards, and I always try to give him the very best of me. So I guess that set me the way I am now, always thriving for the best. My brother on the other hand, is really too laid back. I am very relaxed too before exam comes but when it came, I studied my brains out. Many people thought that I cheated for exam to get the scores I have, but really, people? I don't cheat. I never cheated during an exam, well except for tests held in classes. Those scores are purely my hard works.

So, back to the topic. Back then, I always thought that I don't need to depend on anyone to live my life. But then again, as we grow, mindset changes. As I grow up, I realize that my parents are getting older, weaker. And you know, when realization dawns on you that your parents won't always be able to be there for you, damn, that hurts. Back then I thought that my parents will always be there for me to turn to when I'm sad, or in a problem. But to realize that they can't, it's painful.

It's painful to think that one day when you get home, no one will be there waiting for you again, to cook for you, prepare everything, to see your scores, how you do at school. I always had this question in my mind before I sleep, "Will tomorrow be as good as today? Will I be able to see my parents and brother again tomorrow?" Right now, is the regress of the mind, you realize you actually can't live without them, I'm an adolescent, nearly an adult, thinking like a kid again. Not wanting to let go of today as we don't know what tomorrow woud bring.

But then, we have to learn to cope with the numbing pain. It'll grow dull and numb when time comes, but now, it's still fresh and it hurts. When you move on with your life again, it's a progress again.

Every time I see how much my parents have changed from when I'm a kid, a painful strike hit my heart. They did grow old, and one day, gosh, I don't want to think about it. Brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.
Okay, I tend to ramble and will be reduced to a bundle of tears if I kept on writing. So, love your parents right and learn to cherish each and every day you had with them. It's precious.




TTFN ♥